What is Education? we all call ourselves educated, what does that mean? Is education about finding a job after school, is it about equipping ourselves with a technique, a skill, is it about reading and gaining knowledge? What is it ? does education give you everything you need to face life? Who is responsible for this ? Is education the responsibility of only schools? Where does it start and where does it end ?
These were the kind of questions I came across recently when I stepped out of my comfort zone and looked out for a different school for maithili. I resonated with these questions a lot.
These were the questions I was faced with whenever I saw maithili stressed and overwhelmed with her school . we all argue that ,well , we all never thought about education so seriously , but still grew up and are successful , whats wrong with us? This is the argument I have with jayant also. He believes that if your child can "think " then he will be able to handle himself and take care of himself . But I somehow don't agree with this completely. Here we are still talking about personal security, taking care of myself and becoming comfortable. But what about the conflicts ? what about the emotional make up? what aboout the feeling of completeness ? Do you feel that ? Yes, the child should be able to think but that by itself doesn't complete his education.
Ask yourself as to are you happy? do you feel good about what you are doing? Are you leading a full life ? Are you clear , are you satisfied?
These questions sound philosophical, but well I have come to believe that spirituality should be part of your education too. You should be able to peep into yourself and see what is life, its interconnectedness with other things. Education should lead you to your own self awareness. Education should be about my being, what makes me me? Education is not about racing, competeing against somebody. it should be about a deeper understanding about myself and my being both intelectually and emotionally. Education should be stressfree for the child andshould be at the pace of the child. We are in no hurry. Education should be in an open questioning environment. where the child feels comfortable questioning the authority.
I have also always held my point that the purpose of life is to be "happy" which for me is without any internal conflict.
Recently I heard a person who has done his masters in computers harassing his wife. I was really shaken by this as this was somebody I know of very well. Now is that the education we are talking about . Now what is this education we all are so proud about and at the end of the day don't know what's happening to us. Why do we have this insecure feeling and fear ?
Education which instills fear in us, education which makes us feel inferior , education which doesn't let your potential come out , education which cannot identify you as an individual being, education which is after some ideals, education which is focussed on only gaining knowledge is no education et all. It only leads us to feeling more and more miserable as to who we are . It leads us away from oneself and engulfs us in lot of fear and insecurity.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
My Nature / My values
I generally talk my heart. I think we all do.
Whenever Jayant says to me what made you say that, you should not have said that, I try to defend myself as to why? what did I do wrong? On my part my intentions are positive and doesn't mean to hurt anybody, but when somebody raises that point it gives you one more perspective as to what the other person may be thinking or understanding.
Many times I am hassled by the thought as to are your "intentions being understood right " ? Have you been disturbed by this thought? what is this? What plays a role in this ?
I think many of us say and do things operating from our values/nature.
for eg:
If somebody wants their place clean and keeps wiping every minute something falls down( the persons values cleanliness) , but if the other person perceives it as something else then there is disharmony.
If I don't like getting late to a party, that may be because i value time, on the other hand if you have to deal with somebody who values something else than there is conflict.
If manasi screams whenever I pack her bag ,it may be because her nature is she wants things to be done in her way.
If manasi screams if I feed her without a spoon, it may be because her nature is for things to be visually appealing for her to accept.
If I get disturbed , agitated , frustrated over things that may be because I value efficiency.
If I get annoyed over things that are not kept in the right place because I value being organised.
If I get restless when people don't turn up on time , that may be because I value time.
When I say the persons nature(character) is like that , than I think you are saying what he values most ? If some body is hurrying you for you are getting late to get to some place and you say he is so restless, we are missing out on what his values are here ?
Now how does that get developed and framed ? ????????????
Wouldn't life be so fulfilling if we all could understand that we are all slaves to these values which we have formed and are constantly operating from these.
keep wondering ....
Whenever Jayant says to me what made you say that, you should not have said that, I try to defend myself as to why? what did I do wrong? On my part my intentions are positive and doesn't mean to hurt anybody, but when somebody raises that point it gives you one more perspective as to what the other person may be thinking or understanding.
Many times I am hassled by the thought as to are your "intentions being understood right " ? Have you been disturbed by this thought? what is this? What plays a role in this ?
I think many of us say and do things operating from our values/nature.
for eg:
If somebody wants their place clean and keeps wiping every minute something falls down( the persons values cleanliness) , but if the other person perceives it as something else then there is disharmony.
If I don't like getting late to a party, that may be because i value time, on the other hand if you have to deal with somebody who values something else than there is conflict.
If manasi screams whenever I pack her bag ,it may be because her nature is she wants things to be done in her way.
If manasi screams if I feed her without a spoon, it may be because her nature is for things to be visually appealing for her to accept.
If I get disturbed , agitated , frustrated over things that may be because I value efficiency.
If I get annoyed over things that are not kept in the right place because I value being organised.
If I get restless when people don't turn up on time , that may be because I value time.
When I say the persons nature(character) is like that , than I think you are saying what he values most ? If some body is hurrying you for you are getting late to get to some place and you say he is so restless, we are missing out on what his values are here ?
Now how does that get developed and framed ? ????????????
Wouldn't life be so fulfilling if we all could understand that we are all slaves to these values which we have formed and are constantly operating from these.
keep wondering ....
Comparisons and criticisms
I had read somewhere that,
" Comparisons and criticisms have little to do with the LISTENER and mostly reflects the values and beliefs of the SPEAKER".
Hence beware whenever you are comparing see what are your beliefs, what values are dear to you.
So whenever you are comparing or being compared see who is being exposed !!!
" Comparisons and criticisms have little to do with the LISTENER and mostly reflects the values and beliefs of the SPEAKER".
Hence beware whenever you are comparing see what are your beliefs, what values are dear to you.
So whenever you are comparing or being compared see who is being exposed !!!
Some Guidelines when working with children
- Always believe that the child's intention is not to annoy you. He is doing something only because something is bothering or he is not liking something.
- Acceptance is the key. if you cannot accept , than respect, if you cannot respect you can at least appreciate the efforts of the child.
- State your expectations to your child.
- We are there to guide the child not to teach him anything.
- Switch to consequence instead of punishment or threats.
- If you have made a mistake acknowledge it to the child.
- Its the behavior which needs o be corrected and not the child . So keep the child and his behavior as two separate things. you can say this behavior is annoying me instead of you are annoying me. that makes a big difference
- We loose patience with our children because we expect our children to listen to us, behave in a certain manner , do the things we expect them to do.
- if you relax he child will also releax.
- remember he is only a child and all he doing is exploring his world . he is making an identity of his own, he is being himself.
- remember that your child has a journey of his own, for which you are there to equip him with the necessary tools.
- As you are trying hard the child is also trying hard is what wee need to trust.
- The child is trying to make sense of all the things around him the way he is seeing it.
- Become a coach to your child rather than a teacher.
- Before you say anything just see if you would like anybody to say that to you. if no, than don't say that.
- Keep checking as to what you want your child to be when he grows up ? if you want to see him as an independent person start treating him like that from today, if you want to see your child a leader, than let him lead you today , if you weant him to be responsible then give him the responsibility what we sow now is what reaps later.
- give positive messages to the child so he starts believing in himself and his strengths.
- Don't label the child. It remains for life . If you want to label et all give him positive labels which reflects his strengths and not his weaknesses. They become part of the belief later on.
- Believe in your child as having huge potential to accomplish anything.
- Let go of your EGO when working with your child. It's a gain for you to loose many times with your child.
- Admire, Adore your child as if he the best child in the whole world. (non-verbally)
- Only valuable gift we can give our child is to give back the child in him/her.
- The behavior many times you see outside you is a manifestation of your own behavior. So beware of your Behavior!
- Understand that the child is not your property but your responsibility .
- Criticism and comparison takes me away from ME
- Be firm yet in an loving manner.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
My theories , rattlings, ramblings, some understandings about my recent reads ....
Reality ? Truth ? have you wondered about these words. What if all you think is REAL is UNREAL and what you think is the truth is not et all truth ? yeah that's right! there is no absolute reality and absolute truth in this world (According to many authors and books i have read recently....).
That meaning to say what you think is not actually the right thing that is there or what you are seeing is only visible through your eyes and what you perceive of your life is your CREATION !
OOOOOOOOOhsh. Ponder on these for sometime and you feel how foolish you have been many a times . Many a times we see our world through some glasses, unless we remove those glasses we see the whole world with the same glasses and everything will look that way . If I am frustrated and am wearing that glass then everything the other person does will frustrate me until i change my glass. (once manasi made me realise this ...she said to maithili "maithili dont listen to mamma for sometime she is angry and she will say things which doesn't make any sense, so ignore her " ,)
This VIRTUAL REALITY is both reliving and disturbing to me. How ? I will tell you . Its reliving because any negative thoughts I should be able to ( which I am still not able to ,) step on or override ( eg : if i feel that, the other person is putting me down or he is making me upset or is hurting me intentionally , then these are my truths and my reality which I have created .they don't exist , maybe the person is not trying any of these and you have created this shield for yourself aftere some experiences ?) . We create our realities through our experiences naturally . So if i have had some bad experiences or encounters with a person or situation my Reality for that person will be based on my experience . Is that the truth about that person or situation ? I will look or interact with that person based on what judgement and Reality I have created about that person. Hence people ,we are Responsible for what we feel and what wee SEE !!!! So STOP saying someone hurt you or annoyed you . Thats your created problem .
In the morning I was so SAD about something and was wondering how Jayant could not feel the same , I realised how I was creating and seeing things so differently from him in the same situation. ( this is disturbing me ... why can't he feel the same I feel !!!! thats why we say husabands never understand :-( or they never know why their wifes are crying or upset and say you can never undersatnd a WOMAN) Unless you both are able to see each others realities which is hard unless verbalised then it is hard to understand each other as a matter of fact anybody.
So people describe, explain, express your reality for others to understand you and interact with you the way you want them to interact.
my theory and my rattlings ............will continue
That meaning to say what you think is not actually the right thing that is there or what you are seeing is only visible through your eyes and what you perceive of your life is your CREATION !
OOOOOOOOOhsh. Ponder on these for sometime and you feel how foolish you have been many a times . Many a times we see our world through some glasses, unless we remove those glasses we see the whole world with the same glasses and everything will look that way . If I am frustrated and am wearing that glass then everything the other person does will frustrate me until i change my glass. (once manasi made me realise this ...she said to maithili "maithili dont listen to mamma for sometime she is angry and she will say things which doesn't make any sense, so ignore her " ,)
This VIRTUAL REALITY is both reliving and disturbing to me. How ? I will tell you . Its reliving because any negative thoughts I should be able to ( which I am still not able to ,) step on or override ( eg : if i feel that, the other person is putting me down or he is making me upset or is hurting me intentionally , then these are my truths and my reality which I have created .they don't exist , maybe the person is not trying any of these and you have created this shield for yourself aftere some experiences ?) . We create our realities through our experiences naturally . So if i have had some bad experiences or encounters with a person or situation my Reality for that person will be based on my experience . Is that the truth about that person or situation ? I will look or interact with that person based on what judgement and Reality I have created about that person. Hence people ,we are Responsible for what we feel and what wee SEE !!!! So STOP saying someone hurt you or annoyed you . Thats your created problem .
In the morning I was so SAD about something and was wondering how Jayant could not feel the same , I realised how I was creating and seeing things so differently from him in the same situation. ( this is disturbing me ... why can't he feel the same I feel !!!! thats why we say husabands never understand :-( or they never know why their wifes are crying or upset and say you can never undersatnd a WOMAN) Unless you both are able to see each others realities which is hard unless verbalised then it is hard to understand each other as a matter of fact anybody.
So people describe, explain, express your reality for others to understand you and interact with you the way you want them to interact.
my theory and my rattlings ............will continue
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
GOD and ME or GOD in ME ?
I have been wondering these days about GOD a lot. What does this term mean to me? What does it mean to many? Does GOD have a physical manifestation like us or is it just an experience. If GOD has a physical manifestation then why does he have so many forms ?
It is interesting that the children get attracted to this word GOD. for my daughter GOD is like Krish. She gets fascinated by this . She keeps wondering as to can he do things like him, where does he stay , etc etc ...
I one day asked her to draw GOD as to however she thinks he looks like and not draw any of the existing forms, she came up with a unique form of her own . It was interesting to see her involvement and excitement in drawing GOD. We have all wondered at some point or the other about GOD.
Since time immemorial we have been told stories about GOD and on GOD. krishna said this in the bhagavad gita, this is what Quran preaches , this is what Jesus did . But if you see all these people said what they perceived from their inner eye. The truth . The inner truth to live a full, complete, happy life. Buddha , mahaveer, Jesus, Sai Baba are all GODS for they were successful connecting to their inner being, their own GOD. They could cut loose out of this vicious circle of SELF. Thats why we pray to those great beings as GODS.
I have come to believe that GOD is nothing but my true spirit. My inner true being. What I am and what I am not. I am born with it. I know everything and am here to experience everything.
Thats why whenever you are in trouble they say listen to your inner voice . what is it saying. what is that strong feeling you have , what do you think you should do ?
I believe that each person is here on his own journey. This journey finally has one final destination for everybody. Hence people get into this spiritual journey to give up their materialistic being to realise thier GOD.
This awareness has helped me in so many ways. It has relieved me of the stress that I have to do something et all. That I am responsible for my children , I am responsible for my house , family etc. When Khalil Gibran says " your children are not your children !". How true it feels now. initially it was very hard for me to accept, but this acceptance has helped me to help them understand that they have their own journey ahead. what matters is what they want to do rather what i want them to do.
Then what happens to this beautiful journey which starts of with lots of love, care, affection ?
Our journey becomes a miserable tour, for all the guilt and self blame luggage we start carrying along as and when we progress along the journey. We no longer enjoy our journey of life as we constantly are taking care of that baggage. We forget to look out of the window and appreciate the scenery around. We become so miserable and we start seeking GOD. We say Oh GOD help me I can't face this. You encounter people saying nobody can help you unless you decide you help yourself. How true again ? If I have closed all my windows, how will I look out ?
As krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita " Do your duty and leave the results to me " , which for me means do your best and forget that you are responsible for anything that which happens. How relieving this is !
Stop for a minute and make a list of all the things that you blame yourself for or you feel guilty about or you blame others for it.
I could have been successful if my parents sent me to a much better college.
I am responsible for breaking the family
I am responsible for all the misery my family is going through
I need to be blamed for my childrens future.
It was my parents fault.
I was the most unloved person in the family.
I blame myself for not being a successful spouse.
I should have listened then .
etc etc etc .......
We all have so much guilt stored within us. We constantly blame ourselves .
This guilt and self blame is the main cause for all our sufferings. Our subconsicous is our biggest enemy. It remembers everything . It doesn't want to let go of this baggage. It constantly keeps reminding us of the things that happened taking us to that vicious loop. We have formed a image about ourselves. framed some beliefs . Break open from these and you find yourself afresh. Who is to be blamed for anything that happens. Remember what krishna says. Leave the results to me. The need of the situation demands lot of things. So stop self blaming and give yourself lots of empathy. You deserve that. One thing to remember is that everybody acts with the best of their Intentions. (this has helped me a lot also ) Maybe sometimes the actions maynot be appropriate. " I want my child to be safe hence I will not let him go away from my sight. The intention is good here but the action may not be appropriate all the times."
There are these layers and layers of sufferings which we are carrying . unlayer them. stop self blame and remove your guilt. You are not responsible for anything. The love and compassion within you will surface and you will feel much lighter and much at peace within yourself.
Being Happy is the sole purpose of life is my strong belief. Being happy whether you are at home or by doing something is your journey which you have to embark on.
Everytime I think that I have my journey of my own, and my children theirs , I tend to be more loving and giving to my children ...........
There's no GOD outside you, He is within you You have to seek HIM to reach him..
happy journey..
your fellow traveller.
It is interesting that the children get attracted to this word GOD. for my daughter GOD is like Krish. She gets fascinated by this . She keeps wondering as to can he do things like him, where does he stay , etc etc ...
I one day asked her to draw GOD as to however she thinks he looks like and not draw any of the existing forms, she came up with a unique form of her own . It was interesting to see her involvement and excitement in drawing GOD. We have all wondered at some point or the other about GOD.
Since time immemorial we have been told stories about GOD and on GOD. krishna said this in the bhagavad gita, this is what Quran preaches , this is what Jesus did . But if you see all these people said what they perceived from their inner eye. The truth . The inner truth to live a full, complete, happy life. Buddha , mahaveer, Jesus, Sai Baba are all GODS for they were successful connecting to their inner being, their own GOD. They could cut loose out of this vicious circle of SELF. Thats why we pray to those great beings as GODS.
I have come to believe that GOD is nothing but my true spirit. My inner true being. What I am and what I am not. I am born with it. I know everything and am here to experience everything.
Thats why whenever you are in trouble they say listen to your inner voice . what is it saying. what is that strong feeling you have , what do you think you should do ?
I believe that each person is here on his own journey. This journey finally has one final destination for everybody. Hence people get into this spiritual journey to give up their materialistic being to realise thier GOD.
This awareness has helped me in so many ways. It has relieved me of the stress that I have to do something et all. That I am responsible for my children , I am responsible for my house , family etc. When Khalil Gibran says " your children are not your children !". How true it feels now. initially it was very hard for me to accept, but this acceptance has helped me to help them understand that they have their own journey ahead. what matters is what they want to do rather what i want them to do.
Then what happens to this beautiful journey which starts of with lots of love, care, affection ?
Our journey becomes a miserable tour, for all the guilt and self blame luggage we start carrying along as and when we progress along the journey. We no longer enjoy our journey of life as we constantly are taking care of that baggage. We forget to look out of the window and appreciate the scenery around. We become so miserable and we start seeking GOD. We say Oh GOD help me I can't face this. You encounter people saying nobody can help you unless you decide you help yourself. How true again ? If I have closed all my windows, how will I look out ?
As krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita " Do your duty and leave the results to me " , which for me means do your best and forget that you are responsible for anything that which happens. How relieving this is !
Stop for a minute and make a list of all the things that you blame yourself for or you feel guilty about or you blame others for it.
I could have been successful if my parents sent me to a much better college.
I am responsible for breaking the family
I am responsible for all the misery my family is going through
I need to be blamed for my childrens future.
It was my parents fault.
I was the most unloved person in the family.
I blame myself for not being a successful spouse.
I should have listened then .
etc etc etc .......
We all have so much guilt stored within us. We constantly blame ourselves .
This guilt and self blame is the main cause for all our sufferings. Our subconsicous is our biggest enemy. It remembers everything . It doesn't want to let go of this baggage. It constantly keeps reminding us of the things that happened taking us to that vicious loop. We have formed a image about ourselves. framed some beliefs . Break open from these and you find yourself afresh. Who is to be blamed for anything that happens. Remember what krishna says. Leave the results to me. The need of the situation demands lot of things. So stop self blaming and give yourself lots of empathy. You deserve that. One thing to remember is that everybody acts with the best of their Intentions. (this has helped me a lot also ) Maybe sometimes the actions maynot be appropriate. " I want my child to be safe hence I will not let him go away from my sight. The intention is good here but the action may not be appropriate all the times."
There are these layers and layers of sufferings which we are carrying . unlayer them. stop self blame and remove your guilt. You are not responsible for anything. The love and compassion within you will surface and you will feel much lighter and much at peace within yourself.
Being Happy is the sole purpose of life is my strong belief. Being happy whether you are at home or by doing something is your journey which you have to embark on.
Everytime I think that I have my journey of my own, and my children theirs , I tend to be more loving and giving to my children ...........
There's no GOD outside you, He is within you You have to seek HIM to reach him..
happy journey..
your fellow traveller.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Success Characteristics
I have been working with children for the past three years on developing success characteristics like confidence, raising self esteem, decision making you name it. yes it can be done. The children I met and worked with left a lasting impression on me. besides my children I could meet and interact with so many children who really moved me and helped me to understand them better.The openness they come in, the curiosity, the energy is really contagious. Each child was different in his behavior and actions. Some liked to be in a group and some enjoyed being left alone. some enjoyed doing things and some enjoyed introspecting themselves and relating things with themselves. some were expressive and some could not tell what is their need. some enjoyed coming and some hated to be in there.
So how did we do it ? mainly through interactions with the child . Its very important as to what kind of interactions you have and how does it go. For every interaction will end up in child coming to a conclusion about himself. For eg: If the child is unable to accomplish a task, and you as an adult / facilitator intervene will leave the child gaining or losing on a skill. Am I making sense. So if I tell the child or give him some kind of messages that he is not good at that or he always fails to accomplish you know what you are leaving the child with. On the other hand if you interact with the child at a level where you say that you can give it a second try, or maybe ask for some help, or try it in different ways we are leaving the child with a strong message that there are many ways to do something and that I need to keep persevering. See , as simple a interaction which can leave the child believing in himself or thinking himself to be failure. Chances are that the child will try to do the task again or end up feeling frustrated over the whole thing and feeling miserable when everyone is able to accomplish this.
I have observed that the environment, the interactions the child has with his adults, the modeling he sees around himself( very important coming from adults) and exposure to various things give shape to the child's personality. The child is like raw clay you can mold him the way you want. Hence it becomes very important as to what role you play. One thing to remember is that not to make the child confer into whatever you say, or make the child follow into whatever you want to do, rather understand what is the child meant to be doing, what is his natural inclination, what are his strengths, what is his journey ???? I once saw a child struggling in music class, no matter what he does he could not get the notes right. but his mother was very keen on getting his notes right. but if you were the child what could have you been your feeling. frustrated, incompetent, unsuccessful, a failure. Its very important to follow the child rather you leading the child. You can give him a platter and finally let the child to choose from the platter. Childhood is very crucial period in anyone's life. During this period if you happen to have various experiences , you would have formed a strong foundation , belief about yourself. These beliefs about one self form the operating system. Its very hard to shake them later. hence let the child make positive beliefs about himself like I am a trier, I am confident, I am lovely, sweet, everybody loves me... Then whatever may come your way in life you are equipped to face it. This is what the school must be teaching the children. Instead I see the children being put down, ridiculed, made fun of by the adults around. My daughter other day comes and tells me that the teacher called a child "cry baby". I was very sad. In fact my daughter was feeling terrible about this event. Now what are these teachers doing to the child ? They are not at all aware ! SAD. Many a times we give authority to somebody else to take charge of our children. Like the police man, any other adult around . We ask the police man or any other adult to shout at our children ? How can we do that ? What right we have got to do that ? just because we are parents we can do anything ?
Stop telling what the child should do, rather ask what the child wants to do.
Stop asking why , start asking HOW
Stop telling I say so, start asking how can we together...
We all fail to understand our children. But we expect them to understand us. That which the child does anyways.
So how did we do it ? mainly through interactions with the child . Its very important as to what kind of interactions you have and how does it go. For every interaction will end up in child coming to a conclusion about himself. For eg: If the child is unable to accomplish a task, and you as an adult / facilitator intervene will leave the child gaining or losing on a skill. Am I making sense. So if I tell the child or give him some kind of messages that he is not good at that or he always fails to accomplish you know what you are leaving the child with. On the other hand if you interact with the child at a level where you say that you can give it a second try, or maybe ask for some help, or try it in different ways we are leaving the child with a strong message that there are many ways to do something and that I need to keep persevering. See , as simple a interaction which can leave the child believing in himself or thinking himself to be failure. Chances are that the child will try to do the task again or end up feeling frustrated over the whole thing and feeling miserable when everyone is able to accomplish this.
I have observed that the environment, the interactions the child has with his adults, the modeling he sees around himself( very important coming from adults) and exposure to various things give shape to the child's personality. The child is like raw clay you can mold him the way you want. Hence it becomes very important as to what role you play. One thing to remember is that not to make the child confer into whatever you say, or make the child follow into whatever you want to do, rather understand what is the child meant to be doing, what is his natural inclination, what are his strengths, what is his journey ???? I once saw a child struggling in music class, no matter what he does he could not get the notes right. but his mother was very keen on getting his notes right. but if you were the child what could have you been your feeling. frustrated, incompetent, unsuccessful, a failure. Its very important to follow the child rather you leading the child. You can give him a platter and finally let the child to choose from the platter. Childhood is very crucial period in anyone's life. During this period if you happen to have various experiences , you would have formed a strong foundation , belief about yourself. These beliefs about one self form the operating system. Its very hard to shake them later. hence let the child make positive beliefs about himself like I am a trier, I am confident, I am lovely, sweet, everybody loves me... Then whatever may come your way in life you are equipped to face it. This is what the school must be teaching the children. Instead I see the children being put down, ridiculed, made fun of by the adults around. My daughter other day comes and tells me that the teacher called a child "cry baby". I was very sad. In fact my daughter was feeling terrible about this event. Now what are these teachers doing to the child ? They are not at all aware ! SAD. Many a times we give authority to somebody else to take charge of our children. Like the police man, any other adult around . We ask the police man or any other adult to shout at our children ? How can we do that ? What right we have got to do that ? just because we are parents we can do anything ?
Stop telling what the child should do, rather ask what the child wants to do.
Stop asking why , start asking HOW
Stop telling I say so, start asking how can we together...
We all fail to understand our children. But we expect them to understand us. That which the child does anyways.
Pain and Emotion
Have you ever observed yourself having a pain in some part of your body when you go through some kind of emotion. For eg: people visit the loo more often when they are having an exam. stomach upset when you are tensed or stressed . The co-relation between the body and the emotion is very obvious here. yeah right ! what do I do is the question now ?
As they say every pain ache and ailment is psychosomatic which means there is an emotional aspect to it. Address the emotional aspect and the pain gets addressed by itself most of the time.
Now you may say I am talking nonsense ? No, there is this technique called thought , feel therapy which does exactly this. In the US there is a huge market for this. It is acupressure for emotions. Very interesting and I am experimenting with it now.
Some times its so hard to identify the feeling itself. What is that I am going through ? Although only you know what is that emotion unfortunately we as part of growing up lost touch with our own feelings. We deny or suppress our feelings to an extent that it manifests itself into some other form of pain. We are not taught to identify or even relate to it. Its a taboo in our society. When a child cries we first ask the child to stop crying or we label the child as a cry baby , for all the child is doing is just expressing his emotion he is going through. We say a person who can mange his emotions is more balanced. Is that right ? So are we all balanced or imbalanced or immature. I am not sure about that. I have observed that we take a back seat when we see someone going through a bad emotion. We get uncomfortable with that feeling.
We don't know what to do with these feelings of mine . I can't make it go away, its there . Then as smart intelligent people we try to distract or rationalize our feeling by telling myself that oh Ok I am dumb why should I feel so, maybe he didn't intend to hurt me. but if you see the damage is done what about that? who is taking care of that ? Is that helping you to have a normal relationship with that person? Doesn't that feeling pop up saying that person made you feel that ? how can you forgive ? All these even after you have rationalized !!
What happens because of all this is we are no more ourselves ? We don't express or many a times we start avoiding such situations or people. I loose touch with my SOUL. The true love , compassion gets masked. I become uncomfortable being with some people for I cannot be ME. Am I right? If you see a child you see how happy he is wherever he is. His SOUL is pure and not yet masked by prejudices, emotions , judgements as of now. But don't worry we will train him to be like us soon. How sad !
As they say every pain ache and ailment is psychosomatic which means there is an emotional aspect to it. Address the emotional aspect and the pain gets addressed by itself most of the time.
Now you may say I am talking nonsense ? No, there is this technique called thought , feel therapy which does exactly this. In the US there is a huge market for this. It is acupressure for emotions. Very interesting and I am experimenting with it now.
Some times its so hard to identify the feeling itself. What is that I am going through ? Although only you know what is that emotion unfortunately we as part of growing up lost touch with our own feelings. We deny or suppress our feelings to an extent that it manifests itself into some other form of pain. We are not taught to identify or even relate to it. Its a taboo in our society. When a child cries we first ask the child to stop crying or we label the child as a cry baby , for all the child is doing is just expressing his emotion he is going through. We say a person who can mange his emotions is more balanced. Is that right ? So are we all balanced or imbalanced or immature. I am not sure about that. I have observed that we take a back seat when we see someone going through a bad emotion. We get uncomfortable with that feeling.
We don't know what to do with these feelings of mine . I can't make it go away, its there . Then as smart intelligent people we try to distract or rationalize our feeling by telling myself that oh Ok I am dumb why should I feel so, maybe he didn't intend to hurt me. but if you see the damage is done what about that? who is taking care of that ? Is that helping you to have a normal relationship with that person? Doesn't that feeling pop up saying that person made you feel that ? how can you forgive ? All these even after you have rationalized !!
What happens because of all this is we are no more ourselves ? We don't express or many a times we start avoiding such situations or people. I loose touch with my SOUL. The true love , compassion gets masked. I become uncomfortable being with some people for I cannot be ME. Am I right? If you see a child you see how happy he is wherever he is. His SOUL is pure and not yet masked by prejudices, emotions , judgements as of now. But don't worry we will train him to be like us soon. How sad !
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Child And His NEEDS
Somebody once asked me how do you know what your child needs ? How do you decide on a school ? yeah, its tough but in general you know the inclination of your child. What is it that he enjoys? What is it that he likes most? What are the things he can do best ? Then when you ask him questions as to how does he do that he will tell you what goes on in his mind and how he/she does it? I once asked my daughter how can you remember the meaning of a word in hindi when she has seldom heard the word and reading it only once. She told me mamma its very easy for me, the page gets printed in my mind and I scan the page for the word and then I know! Very visual. This is called picture memory. Now does this work for all subjects ? How about maths? Now maths can get tough for her as only remembering will not help her here. She needs a different method to process the information. She needs to be given more pictures/charts/ to process the information which she can do well.
One more thing we need to question about studies is that , If he enjoys doing so many things and why is that he is not enjoying doing something or some subject? Its like if I like to eat so many vegetables then why is it that I don't like some vegetables. It may be because it tastes bad, smells bad, looks bad or simply presented bad. The same vegetable presented in a different way may appeal to you isn't it? That's how it works with children and their studies also. The way it is presented should appeal to the child. You may have heard children saying Maths is hard/hindi is tough? why? question them and you would know exactly what is it that they find hard in it?
If you ask your child questions whenever you are working with them you would understand how is it that he/she is processing the information. Whats his style of thinking ? You need to understand that. Its hard but by questioning you can understand and you will soon realize why some things sound so easy for him and some things are tough for your child.
Finally give more of that to your child what he enjoys and harness his strengths more . This will not only make your child confident, happy , later he/she will enjoy his life doing things he likes to do most .
Now with this understanding I set out to find the school. How is the school giving this information to the children? Are the children able to process it ? If not then there is a mismatch the way it is presented and the way the child generally sees.
I have always asked this question to myself as to what should be the vision of the school? Generally it is not a shared vision between the school and the child. The school aims at scoring 100% results. But what about the child and his needs ? Is it being satisfied ? We as parents get carried away with the scores. But if you reflect back at your own way of schooling you will realise that the school didn't give you much in terms of building confidence in you, giving you the joy of learning, becoming resilient, mainting focus , become a decision maker ? I vouch on it. Suddenly when we are thrown out of school and into the world to make a living we generally fail for we have lost touch with our strengths? Sooner or later we loose interest in what we are doing for maybe thats not what I enjoy for all you know ! I am a living example. Did I like programming ? was that my strength ? sorry ! no it wasn't. It was very stressful for me. Then why did I do my masters ? etc etc. I don't know, I just followed without taking stock of what I am really good at you see. I did do well in that field because of all my other strengths within me.
So as parents or adults around a child become aware of the child's strengths. If the child is doing something focus on the process. Ask him as to How is he doing it? understand his strength. This will help the child understand himself. Make a list of your child's strength and make him aware of that too. Our society is so much focussed on the results that we forget the process. Its not important that we arrived at an answer but its important to see HOW we arrived at an answer.
One more thing we need to question about studies is that , If he enjoys doing so many things and why is that he is not enjoying doing something or some subject? Its like if I like to eat so many vegetables then why is it that I don't like some vegetables. It may be because it tastes bad, smells bad, looks bad or simply presented bad. The same vegetable presented in a different way may appeal to you isn't it? That's how it works with children and their studies also. The way it is presented should appeal to the child. You may have heard children saying Maths is hard/hindi is tough? why? question them and you would know exactly what is it that they find hard in it?
If you ask your child questions whenever you are working with them you would understand how is it that he/she is processing the information. Whats his style of thinking ? You need to understand that. Its hard but by questioning you can understand and you will soon realize why some things sound so easy for him and some things are tough for your child.
Finally give more of that to your child what he enjoys and harness his strengths more . This will not only make your child confident, happy , later he/she will enjoy his life doing things he likes to do most .
Now with this understanding I set out to find the school. How is the school giving this information to the children? Are the children able to process it ? If not then there is a mismatch the way it is presented and the way the child generally sees.
I have always asked this question to myself as to what should be the vision of the school? Generally it is not a shared vision between the school and the child. The school aims at scoring 100% results. But what about the child and his needs ? Is it being satisfied ? We as parents get carried away with the scores. But if you reflect back at your own way of schooling you will realise that the school didn't give you much in terms of building confidence in you, giving you the joy of learning, becoming resilient, mainting focus , become a decision maker ? I vouch on it. Suddenly when we are thrown out of school and into the world to make a living we generally fail for we have lost touch with our strengths? Sooner or later we loose interest in what we are doing for maybe thats not what I enjoy for all you know ! I am a living example. Did I like programming ? was that my strength ? sorry ! no it wasn't. It was very stressful for me. Then why did I do my masters ? etc etc. I don't know, I just followed without taking stock of what I am really good at you see. I did do well in that field because of all my other strengths within me.
So as parents or adults around a child become aware of the child's strengths. If the child is doing something focus on the process. Ask him as to How is he doing it? understand his strength. This will help the child understand himself. Make a list of your child's strength and make him aware of that too. Our society is so much focussed on the results that we forget the process. Its not important that we arrived at an answer but its important to see HOW we arrived at an answer.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Document
There are so many thoughts floating by now-a-days so thought of documenting it somewhere . mostly for self.
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