Success Characteristics

I have been working with children for the past three years on developing success characteristics like confidence, raising self esteem, decision making you name it. yes it can be done. The children I met and worked with left a lasting impression on me. besides my children I could meet and interact with so many children who really moved me and helped me to understand them better.The openness they come in, the curiosity, the energy is really contagious. Each child was different in his behavior and actions. Some liked to be in a group and some enjoyed being left alone. some enjoyed doing things and some enjoyed introspecting themselves and relating things with themselves. some were expressive and some could not tell what is their need. some enjoyed coming and some hated to be in there.
So how did we do it ? mainly through interactions with the child . Its very important as to what kind of interactions you have and how does it go. For every interaction will end up in child coming to a conclusion about himself. For eg: If the child is unable to accomplish a task, and you as an adult / facilitator intervene will leave the child gaining or losing on a skill. Am I making sense. So if I tell the child or give him some kind of messages that he is not good at that or he always fails to accomplish you know what you are leaving the child with. On the other hand if you interact with the child at a level where you say that you can give it a second try, or maybe ask for some help, or try it in different ways we are leaving the child with a strong message that there are many ways to do something and that I need to keep persevering. See , as simple a interaction which can leave the child believing in himself or thinking himself to be failure. Chances are that the child will try to do the task again or end up feeling frustrated over the whole thing and feeling miserable when everyone is able to accomplish this.

I have observed that the environment, the interactions the child has with his adults, the modeling he sees around himself( very important coming from adults) and exposure to various things give shape to the child's personality. The child is like raw clay you can mold him the way you want. Hence it becomes very important as to what role you play. One thing to remember is that not to make the child confer into whatever you say, or make the child follow into whatever you want to do, rather understand what is the child meant to be doing, what is his natural inclination, what are his strengths, what is his journey ???? I once saw a child struggling in music class, no matter what he does he could not get the notes right. but his mother was very keen on getting his notes right. but if you were the child what could have you been your feeling. frustrated, incompetent, unsuccessful, a failure. Its very important to follow the child rather you leading the child. You can give him a platter and finally let the child to choose from the platter. Childhood is very crucial period in anyone's life. During this period if you happen to have various experiences , you would have formed a strong foundation , belief about yourself. These beliefs about one self form the operating system. Its very hard to shake them later. hence let the child make positive beliefs about himself like I am a trier, I am confident, I am lovely, sweet, everybody loves me... Then whatever may come your way in life you are equipped to face it. This is what the school must be teaching the children. Instead I see the children being put down, ridiculed, made fun of by the adults around. My daughter other day comes and tells me that the teacher called a child "cry baby". I was very sad. In fact my daughter was feeling terrible about this event. Now what are these teachers doing to the child ? They are not at all aware ! SAD. Many a times we give authority to somebody else to take charge of our children. Like the police man, any other adult around . We ask the police man or any other adult to shout at our children ? How can we do that ? What right we have got to do that ? just because we are parents we can do anything ?

Stop telling what the child should do, rather ask what the child wants to do.
Stop asking why , start asking HOW
Stop telling I say so, start asking how can we together...

We all fail to understand our children. But we expect them to understand us. That which the child does anyways.