My Nature / My values

I generally talk my heart. I think we all do.
Whenever Jayant says to me what made you say that, you should not have said that, I try to defend myself as to why? what did I do wrong? On my part my intentions are positive and doesn't mean to hurt anybody, but when somebody raises that point it gives you one more perspective as to what the other person may be thinking or understanding.

Many times I am hassled by the thought as to are your "intentions being understood right " ? Have you been disturbed by this thought? what is this? What plays a role in this ?

I think many of us say and do things operating from our values/nature.

for eg:
If somebody wants their place clean and keeps wiping every minute something falls down( the persons values cleanliness) , but if the other person perceives it as something else then there is disharmony.
If I don't like getting late to a party, that may be because i value time, on the other hand if you have to deal with somebody who values something else than there is conflict.
If manasi screams whenever I pack her bag ,it may be because her nature is she wants things to be done in her way.
If manasi screams if I feed her without a spoon, it may be because her nature is for things to be visually appealing for her to accept.
If I get disturbed , agitated , frustrated over things that may be because I value efficiency.
If I get annoyed over things that are not kept in the right place because I value being organised.
If I get restless when people don't turn up on time , that may be because I value time.

When I say the persons nature(character) is like that , than I think you are saying what he values most ? If some body is hurrying you for you are getting late to get to some place and you say he is so restless, we are missing out on what his values are here ?
Now how does that get developed and framed ? ????????????

Wouldn't life be so fulfilling if we all could understand that we are all slaves to these values which we have formed and are constantly operating from these.

keep wondering ....

Comparisons and criticisms

I had read somewhere that,

" Comparisons and criticisms have little to do with the LISTENER and mostly reflects the values and beliefs of the SPEAKER".

Hence beware whenever you are comparing see what are your beliefs, what values are dear to you.

So whenever you are comparing or being compared see who is being exposed !!!

Some Guidelines when working with children

1. Always believe that the child's intention is not to annoy you. He is doing something only because something is bothering or he is not liking something.
2. Acceptance is the key. if you cannot accept , than respect, if you cannot respect you can at least appreciate the efforts of the child.
3. State your expectations to your child.
   
4. We are there to guide the child not to teach him anything.
   
5. Switch to consequence instead of punishment or threats.
6. If you have made a mistake acknowledge it to the child.
   
7. Its the behavior which needs o be corrected and not the child . So keep the child and his behavior as two separate things. you can say this behavior is annoying me instead of you are annoying me. that makes a big difference
   
8. We loose patience with our children because we expect our children to listen to us, behave in a certain manner , do the things we expect them to do.
   
9. if you relax he child will also releax.
10. remember he is only a child and all he doing is exploring his world . he is making an identity of his own, he is being himself.
11. remember that your child has a journey of his own, for which you are there to equip him with the necessary tools.
12. As you are trying hard the child is also trying hard is what wee need to trust.
13. The child is trying to make sense of all the things around him the way he is seeing it.
14. Become a coach to your child rather than a teacher.
15. Before you say anything just see if you would like anybody to say that to you. if no, than don't say that.
    
16. Keep checking as to what you want your child to be when he grows up ? if you want to see him as an independent person start treating him like that from today, if you want to see your child a leader, than let him lead you today , if you weant him to be responsible then give him the responsibility what we sow now is what reaps later.
17. give positive messages to the child so he starts believing in himself and his strengths.
18. Don't label the child. It remains for life . If you want to label et all give him positive labels which reflects his strengths and not his weaknesses. They become part of the belief later on.
19. Believe in your child as having huge potential to accomplish anything.
20. Let go of your EGO when working with your child. It's a gain for you to loose many times with your child.
21. Admire, Adore your child as if he the best child in the whole world. (non-verbally)
22. Only valuable gift we can give our child is to give back the child in him/her.
23. The behavior many times you see outside you is a manifestation of your own behavior. So beware of your Behavior!
24. Understand that the child is not your property but your responsibility .
25. Criticism and comparison takes me away from ME
26. Be firm yet in an loving manner.
    

Will keep adding .....just a rough list